Worth

I asked for it.
When he told me,
In my drunken haze,
What he wanted from me,
In hushed tones
I leaned in and whispered,
Anxiety in every slur,
“I never have…
Before…”
He asked me
If that was a yes or a no.

I waited until we were alone
To tell him,
Louder this time,
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”
But he had full intentions
Of giving me what I was asking for.
I repeated even more loudly,
“I don’t think we should do this.”
He kissed me harder,
Pulled more fervently at my clothes,
As if I was telling him
To hurry up and give it to me.
Because asking for it
Never meant that I asked.
It’s always only meant
That I deserved it.

Wishing You Well

I wish you much love—
None returned.
So that you feel only
Disappointment.
I wish you many smiles—
No joy.
So that you know only
Isolation.
May your dreams wither,
And your soul cry,
And may you never
Know empathy
From another.
May your smile
Successfully
Disguise your misery,
And may others
Always tell you
To smile more.

Thin Ice

Her eyes struck my core,
Cold,
Like winter mint.
If I inhaled
I could feel the sharpness
Of the air in my lungs,
But I would never
Want to stop
Breathing in their beauty.
Each time,
Each gaze,
Each breath,
The air caught in my throat,
Burning with unsaid words,
Words that would never
Do them justice.
They were not worthy,
Not good enough
To capture the essence
Of swimming too deep,
Into overwhelming darkness,
Not knowing
Which was was up,
Which way was down,
Direction elluding me.
I could no longer breathe,
I was drowning,
But I did not want
To come up for air.
I wanted to forever
Breathe them in,
Their intoxicating beauty
Into my lungs,
Entranced
By the mystery
Behind the breathtaking blue
Of her eyes.

Shattered Mirror

Blue eyes rimmed in darkness;

She hasn’t slept in days.
Pink lips set in a thin line against pale skin;
She’s angry.
She taps a finger at the keys
To hear the piano’s tune.
It rings like death through the mansion,
Drowning with a fatal moan into red curtains.

 

“Who are you?”
I scream at her in fear,
Drawing her attention for the first time.
A smile pulls at the corners of her mouth.
“You mean you don’t recognize me?”
She circles me once,
Then comes to a halt right in front of me.
Our identical pale, blue eyes lock onto each other,
Like I’m staring into some demented fun-house mirror.

 

“Stop shutting me out.”
Her voice bellows in my ears,
But I ignore it,
Closing my eyes,
                            s                       t                 e                             g
                                    h                       t                  r              n
                                             a                                         i

The connection.

Bluebird

A bluebird flying just above the road,
Wiping tears from the windows to her soul.
Soon, she will soar, forever free to roam.

The sound from her throat, a sorrowful ode,
She hacks up a cloud, dark and black as coal,
The bluebird flying just above the road.

She looks weary as her body corrodes.
Soon she will swallow the seed of the pistol.
Then, she will soar, forever free to roam.

Archaic joints ache as they creak and groan,
The problems of time, out of her control,
My bluebird flying just above the road.

On the journey up, a goodbye she crowed.
At the gates of heaven, she paid the toll.
Now, she will soar, forever free to roam.

I’ll miss you, bluebird; together we strode.
We started so young, and you’ve grown so old,
My bluebird flying just above the road,
Now, she will soar, forever free to roam.

Blizzard

It’s so peaceful here.
My feet are burning,
Like when we’d run
As children,
Barefoot and carefree,
From house to house
And tree to tree,
Across blacktop in the summer,
Through snow in the winter,
And then they fall numb.
My hands feel dry,
Like when they would ride waves
Of air from the car window,
Skin cracking,
But I was laughing,
Happy,
But now the feeling is gone.
My face hurts,
Like when we’d get in fights,
Pelting each other with chunks of ice,
And then get even,
Rubbing each other’s faces
In soft snow
That always felt harder than it was.
Now that’s gone too,
As the last of the warmth
Rises from my body
Like steam,
And all that’s left
Is nothingness.

The Night is Better Here

The darkness is not so dark
Without street lights.
Stars peer through the sky
By the millions,
Unshrouded
By local illumination.
A breeze caresses my skin,
Unblocked
By oppressive towers.
I fall back
Into luscious grass,
Secure
In its soft, cool embrace.
Crickets chirp
Louder than ever,
Unmuted
By surrounding traffic.
I breathe in the rain
From two nights passed,
Unpolluted
By steam or gas.
The night is calmer,
Here,
In the middle of nowhere,
Where I can be aware
Of everything.