Thin Ice

Her eyes struck my core,
Cold,
Like winter mint.
If I inhaled
I could feel the sharpness
Of the air in my lungs,
But I would never
Want to stop
Breathing in their beauty.
Each time,
Each gaze,
Each breath,
The air caught in my throat,
Burning with unsaid words,
Words that would never
Do them justice.
They were not worthy,
Not good enough
To capture the essence
Of swimming too deep,
Into overwhelming darkness,
Not knowing
Which was was up,
Which way was down,
Direction elluding me.
I could no longer breathe,
I was drowning,
But I did not want
To come up for air.
I wanted to forever
Breathe them in,
Their intoxicating beauty
Into my lungs,
Entranced
By the mystery
Behind the breathtaking blue
Of her eyes.

Shattered Mirror

Blue eyes rimmed in darkness;

She hasn’t slept in days.
Pink lips set in a thin line against pale skin;
She’s angry.
She taps a finger at the keys
To hear the piano’s tune.
It rings like death through the mansion,
Drowning with a fatal moan into red curtains.

 

“Who are you?”
I scream at her in fear,
Drawing her attention for the first time.
A smile pulls at the corners of her mouth.
“You mean you don’t recognize me?”
She circles me once,
Then comes to a halt right in front of me.
Our identical pale, blue eyes lock onto each other,
Like I’m staring into some demented fun-house mirror.

 

“Stop shutting me out.”
Her voice bellows in my ears,
But I ignore it,
Closing my eyes,
                            s                       t                 e                             g
                                    h                       t                  r              n
                                             a                                         i

The connection.

Bluebird

A bluebird flying just above the road,
Wiping tears from the windows to her soul.
Soon, she will soar, forever free to roam.

The sound from her throat, a sorrowful ode,
She hacks up a cloud, dark and black as coal,
The bluebird flying just above the road.

She looks weary as her body corrodes.
Soon she will swallow the seed of the pistol.
Then, she will soar, forever free to roam.

Archaic joints ache as they creak and groan,
The problems of time, out of her control,
My bluebird flying just above the road.

On the journey up, a goodbye she crowed.
At the gates of heaven, she paid the toll.
Now, she will soar, forever free to roam.

I’ll miss you, bluebird; together we strode.
We started so young, and you’ve grown so old,
My bluebird flying just above the road,
Now, she will soar, forever free to roam.

Blizzard

It’s so peaceful here.
My feet are burning,
Like when we’d run
As children,
Barefoot and carefree,
From house to house
And tree to tree,
Across blacktop in the summer,
Through snow in the winter,
And then they fall numb.
My hands feel dry,
Like when they would ride waves
Of air from the car window,
Skin cracking,
But I was laughing,
Happy,
But now the feeling is gone.
My face hurts,
Like when we’d get in fights,
Pelting each other with chunks of ice,
And then get even,
Rubbing each other’s faces
In soft snow
That always felt harder than it was.
Now that’s gone too,
As the last of the warmth
Rises from my body
Like steam,
And all that’s left
Is nothingness.

The Night is Better Here

The darkness is not so dark
Without street lights.
Stars peer through the sky
By the millions,
Unshrouded
By local illumination.
A breeze caresses my skin,
Unblocked
By oppressive towers.
I fall back
Into luscious grass,
Secure
In its soft, cool embrace.
Crickets chirp
Louder than ever,
Unmuted
By surrounding traffic.
I breathe in the rain
From two nights passed,
Unpolluted
By steam or gas.
The night is calmer,
Here,
In the middle of nowhere,
Where I can be aware
Of everything.

Anxiety

A tightness holds my throat,
Tightly, unfaltering.
Air will not break through
Though I gasp and struggle
With every ounce of strength
I have left.
My muscles spasm
And my limbs shake
As the blood runs cold
Beneath my skin.
Screams will not erupt
From the frigid chasms
Deep inside me
Where they echo off the walls
Endlessly.
My eyes burn
With un-shed tears
As the voice in my head
Bellows,
Voicing fears,
And insecurities.
I squeeze my eyes shut,
Clamping my hands
Firmly over my ears,
Curling into myself,
Shaking my head
As if the words are not true.
But I know they are.
The thought stings
At the back of neck
Like electricity
Shooting through me.
I’m squeezing the air from my lungs
As if it is poisonous,
Still while trying to breath,
Gasping, heaving, choking.
How long have I been here?
How long will I remain?
When something breaks through
All the glass of the fortress
I’ve locked myself away in.
A warm hand at my back
Pulls me closer.
Whispers into my neck
Chase away the chills.
It is going to be okay.
I can feel
The ground
Returning beneath my feet,
And my anxiety at last
Begins to retreat.

Steel Being

I have been burned.
I have felt the flames
Engulf my skin and my being.
I felt them wrap around my heart,
Twisting it into something
I never thought it could be.
I saw the world,
Distorted through the smoke,
And had to remind myself
Where I was,
Who I was,
And why.

And in the days passed
Since such trauma
I have been told
How it has made me who I am,
How it has made me stronger,
How it has turned my skin to steel.
Don’t they understand?
The flames did not do that.
The flames tore through my skin
Like it was paper.
The flames left me inhuman,
Unrecognizable.
Looking in the mirror
Was never so painful.
I built the steel
Around myself
To hide my scars,
And I told everyone
It was my new skin,
Wearing it with false pride
As if being made of steel
Could change what I’d been through.
But it’s still there.
It will never leave me.
And when I am told
How it’s made me stronger
As if I or anyone
Should be grateful
For something so awful,
The scars burn
As if the fire
Has been lit again
This time, beneath my armor
Held against my skin.
And I can relive
The agony I went through
Trying to put it out.
I am no steel being,
Only someone too afraid
To live without armor.