Truth

It scares me
How I can look away
For only a moment
When something disappears.
The memory of it fades
And I no longer have the energy
To try to retrieve it,
Remember it
For what it really was.
Suddenly,
I no longer know
What really happened.
Everyone tells me
Different things.
And I can’t seem
To put them in order,
Decipher the lies
From the truth.
Has there ever been any truth?
Or is that
Something my mind distorted,
Concocted from thin air,
And used to shape me?
And they still keep yelling,
Telling me
What happened
And expecting me to know,
When all I know
Depends on the day.
It depends
On what I see
In the mirror.
It depends on the details
I’ve chosen to focus on.
And they’re all in pieces
Like broken glass
Shimmering deep inside of a fog.
Today some have caught the light
While others are still
Shrouded in darkness.
I can never seem
To grasp them all.

Guilty

“I love you.”
I lick my lips
As if that could ever cleanse them
Of this poison,
The poison that lies
Within my lies.

“I love you too.”
I plug my ears
As if that could ever tune out
The deluded passion
With which you speak
Of mutuality.

Inside, it burns,
The venom.
I am a snake.
I deceive you,
And you trust me.
Why?
I could never give to you
What you deserve.
You are too perfect
For someone like me.
How do you not see it?
I don’t deserve you.
I am a liar.
But, there, you sit
And call me perfect.
Perhaps you are the liar.
It seems so genuine.
I wish it truly could be,
But I have delved far too deep
Into mistakes
That could only ever hurt you.
I cannot bear these consequences.
“I love you.”
And I mean it.
It would just be so much easier
If you did not love me back.