Guilty

“I love you.”
I lick my lips
As if that could ever cleanse them
Of this poison,
The poison that lies
Within my lies.

“I love you too.”
I plug my ears
As if that could ever tune out
The deluded passion
With which you speak
Of mutuality.

Inside, it burns,
The venom.
I am a snake.
I deceive you,
And you trust me.
Why?
I could never give to you
What you deserve.
You are too perfect
For someone like me.
How do you not see it?
I don’t deserve you.
I am a liar.
But, there, you sit
And call me perfect.
Perhaps you are the liar.
It seems so genuine.
I wish it truly could be,
But I have delved far too deep
Into mistakes
That could only ever hurt you.
I cannot bear these consequences.
“I love you.”
And I mean it.
It would just be so much easier
If you did not love me back.

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If Anything

If I could take anything from you,
it would be your pain.
If I could watch you as it leaves you,
watch you understand that everything will be okay,
that alone would give me strength enough to bear it myself.

If I could give anything to you,
it would be ignorance.
If I could know that no one else could ever weigh you down,
know that you will be happy despite any interference,
that alone would allow me to cope with your unawareness of my love.

If I could show anything to you,
it would be my intent.
If you could understand that you will never have to be alone,
understand that I will always be here for you,
that alone I hope would tell you of my desire only to ensure your happiness.